Ok, so, you know what’s hilarious?
I’ve been hovering around starting this post for around an hour, wondering if this was a good topic for the start of 2021, or to return to reviewing movies/books/TV. Eventually I’ll return to that, once the malaise of our current environment seeps away long enough for me to take a breath.
While preparing to write about the pandemic, I was struck with the listless feelings caused by the pandemic! Ho ho ho, happy new year.
I’m sure we’re all utterly sick and tired of hearing about the pandemic (say “pandemic” one more time…!), but you know, I just have to get my own word in and then we’ll all be allowed to move on.
Recently, this tweet has been floating around:
Several people have sent this tweet to me via some DM’s which are already full-to-bursting with memes and thousands of versions of that Bernie Sanders photo. You know the one. I’m not even going to link it.
The tweet stood out to me for several reasons that I will struggle to articulate, and I’m pleased you won’t need to witness the 20 minutes of delayed contemplation as I clumsily sweep my thoughts together.
Firstly, it acknowledges the grey area which many of us are occupying right now. Luckier than most, we’re continuing on day by day, working and social distancing and wearing masks, and trying our best to follow the rules. It’s not so bad that we’ve lost our jobs or (god forbid) loved ones, but it’s bad enough that we watch the struggles of others and wonder if we’ve somehow gotten away with something. Personally, I feel that since my family and I have been thusly spared, and that must mean that some impending doom will fall upon us in the next year or so. If not now, then later.
Even though the tiny apartment you can barely afford is dark and depressing, at least you have one, right? I mean, there’s only two windows, and it’s just so dark in there. But thank god I still have an income, you know? Thank god I didn’t have to wait in line for unemployment, since we’re one missed paycheck away from eviction. Let’s hope they don’t shut down the office again, that 80hrs of covid-related pay expired at the end of 2020. Thanks, Congress!
Some are working from home. I get that it’s hard to stay home and mind your own business or not spray your socialization onto others, but you’re not allowed to complain about this. I don’t CARE how sad you are that you can’t go and have small talk at your coworker’s cubicle. Maybe you’re realizing that they didn’t want you over there at all, and that their 200% increase in productivity since WFH started is due to the fact that you’re not over there bothering them.
I’ve just realized now that I’m sending conflicting messages in this post. It’s okay to complain about this. Maybe just not to me, or anybody else who has to potentially expose themselves Covid and other people to make a living.
BUT, if I have to hear the HR lady at the consulting company I’m technically employed with complain about working from home one more time, my teeth are going to fall out. That’s because…
Many others like me are still required to come into the office for work. I’ve shown saltiness about this in the past, and I won’t waste words rehashing what’s already been hashed. Again, well, thank the universe I work in an office right, and not in a grocery store/hospital/gas station/place where I am exposed to anti-mask anti-brain shmucks, right? Yes, plenty to be grateful for.
I’m not sure if I’m being sincere or sarcastic, but both can be real, right? Sincerastic? Sarcastincere? Sarsincastic? New pandemic term. Noice.
But the worst part about coming into the office to work is seeing the WFH people come in to pick up whatever trinkets they left at their desk, look at you with that infuriating suffering-olympics-worthy “must-be-nice” expression and say “Gosh, you’re so lucky you can still come in! I hate all this!” *gestures at mask*
Yeah, Harry, you’re the *only* one who hates all this, and you’re the first person to feel exhausted by it. Ever. Of all time. Congratulations.
The lack of perspective in insufferable, you guys. We’ve had six cases of Covid-19 in our office, and HR is like “We’re thinking about considering possibly maybe letting you work from potentially the location of your home, would you be interested?”
For my part, I think if the deaths of nearly 450,000 (THAT’S FOUR HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND CORPSES) Americans isn’t enough to change SoCalGas HR’s precious little minds, then they need to shut up and stop teasing us with being treated decently.
(That’s nearly 450k at the time of this post.)
I had to stop and breathe in and out slowly after that last paragraph. The level of tragedy is incomprehensible.
The lack of compassion and care that is upsettingly prevalent in our society is really discouraging, and I think that’s contributing to the coining of phrases like “pandemic fine”. Yeah, we’ve been in lockdown for almost a year now and life is completely different, but I have to convince myself that it’s “fine” because I have my home and my health and so many others are without.
Sure, so many people have died, but there’s a vaccine now, yay! Things should get better right?
Oh, someone sabotaged some of the vaccines?
Oh, the rollout is slower and so disorganized that no one actually knows if they can or can’t get the vaccine?
Oh, anti-vaxxers protested so hard and so loudly at Dodger Stadium that it shut down vaccine distribution?
Oh, the cases are as high as they’ve *ever* been in California, but this is a good time to reopen everything?
My theory is that even though you’re “pandemic fine”, the reason you feel like trash is because of other people who refuse to see sense or at least be considerate enough to shut the f*ck up and get out of the way. It’s already irritating to rely on people you know for anything, and more irritating to rely on strangers to have common sense, which as it turns out, is not so common.
Again, the cause of so much suffering in life is other people. I’m not surprised. You shouldn’t be surprised either. It certainly sucks, and I highly recommend you all be candid with yourselves about whatever suffering you’re going through, even if you feel like you don’t deserve to complain. You know, it’s okay to be “pandemic depressed” or “pandemic traumatized” because that’s what’s happening. I hereby reject the phrase “pandemic fine”, and personally give you permission to be “pandemic whatever-you-want”.
Personally, I’m shooting for “pandemic patient”. Cultivating an insane amount of patience is my MO these days.
This doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with the tweet itself – it more or less just made me sad, because we’re now in a place where we have to discount our own feelings even harder than usual because so many others have it worse.
Bottom line, you deserve to look after yourself. Gratitude is an admirable quality to have, but forcing it will just cause your insides to hemorrhage.
It’s alright to be sad, angry, furious, whatever. Get off of social media unless it’s making you laugh. Watch more comedy. Stay safe and pass the time. This nonsense has gone on way longer than it should’ve, and it’s been politicized, manipulated, lied about, and exploited.
HOWEVER! It will eventually end.
It may end with no further deaths, or it may end after running its murderous course. Either way, it will come to an end, and that’s something to look forward to.
Soon enough you’ll be dining indoors, sharing silverware with your friends that you haven’t seen in [insert passage of time], and wondering if Covid even happened.
Wash your hands, wear masks, all that shit. I mean, even Disneyland is telling us to do it now, I’m sure you don’t need to hear it from me.
It’s going to be okay.