Recently, I had to make a stand in less than ideal circumstances. The situation is in no way comparable to being on the street and subjected to physical violence, but it was difficult for me all the same.
During the pandemic, most people are working from home, not working, or essential workers. Since I work as a contractor at a utility company, we were dubbed essential, and have been able to continue coming in. As a rule, we aren’t allowed to work from home, which is acceptable under normal circumstances.
However, even though shit has truly hit the fan, no exceptions are being made to this policy. Some poorly constructed excuse of “maintaining the privacy” of customer addresses was brought up, but this is clearly not the case since many other members of our team have been allowed to work from home due to their employee status. You can bet they have access to customer addresses.
The least he could’ve done was come up with a better lie.
The true reason we cannot work from home is that we are not trusted to take home company equipment. I don’t need to tell you that this is demoralizing – we’ve been presumed guilty and nothing has even happened yet.
After a week of internalized fury, I decided someone had to say something. For some reason, I decided it should be me, since I have some value to the team and I am not easily replaceable.
What? It’s true. Let me know if you want my resume.
Anyway, our leadership had casually carried on, and took the tone of “You should be grateful you still have a job” and/or “they tried to shut us down but we stopped them”. This is probably true, but unfortunately, saying things like this is not a solution to the deterioration of morale. I don’t trust anyone who tries to argue in the company’s favor, especially when they expect unquestioning loyalty while they fail their employees in every possible way they can exploit.
I wrote a letter pointing out these grievances, their self-righteous contradictions, and warnings of the consequences of the choices they had made with regards to our well-being. The days before sending this message was riddled with anxiety and shame, which was unavoidable even though I knew I was doing the right thing.
My team members made it better by offering their support and agreement, but the damage done by my bosses’ “response” can’t be repaired.
After imagining probably seven thousand different outcomes or possibilities, multiple reviews, re-reads, and re-writes, I forwarded this email to my upper management.
Well, I didn’t anticipate it, but instead of responding with angry phone calls, they forwarded the note to the consulting company I work for. I was treated to a condescending phone call from HR about how “it was heavy-handed to contact the client directly” and I need to “take deep breaths” and dismissive comments like “it’s weird for everyone right now”. Nothing changed. No one made any effort to improve the situation, short of pretending to care if we have enough cleaning supplies and antibacterial.
We don’t, except for two bottles of 409.
Some background – my bosses are not in every day. Under normal circumstances, one of them will pop in once a week, and the other is more like once a month. The less he comes in, the better. Every time he comes in, he makes a big stink about how “we’re number one in the nation” and “we’re all a family” and “please reach out if you need anything, my door is always open”.
Apparently behind the first door is another door that’s super locked.
Over the weekend that followed these events, I set aside a lot of the upset I had, and came to terms with what had happened. I’d been prepared to quit over this issue, so I had to consider what my next move was. I’m looking for a new job, and available for new opportunities, just in case you’re interested.
On Monday, the frequent visitor boss called. In general we had enjoyed a good working relationship, but I was so wounded by his lack of a response the previous week, I was determined to be all business and no personal. He pushed and pushed until finally, I went off and gave him a piece of my mind. I guess it was just one of those moments where you see red and hope you don’t get fired.
While on the phone, I tried to sit at my desk for as long as I could- I wanted my coworkers to hear me. I didn’t suffer as a writhing mess of anxiety so no one would know what was going on. Yes, I do know it’s my ego talking, but I think I’m allowed declarations of justice from time to time.
I was glad he called, but the day was pretty much ruined. Even though we had that conversation, things feel altered in an irreparable way, and there’s no going back.
I’m fine with that. Really.
I was worried they would retaliate by sending everyone home, but I was wrong about that. The plus is that I don’t feel any anxiety or repressed anger about this situation anymore. That makes all the discomfort and frustration and tears worth it. However, the true colors of my leadership have been shown, and it’s definitely time to move on.
Again, let me know if you need that resume!
It is certainly difficult to live a life by higher moral standards. I wanted to quit my job to make a statement, but was held back by the practicalities of life. I often wonder if I’m not brave enough to make the necessary sacrifices in the name of justice, but I feel like I’m doing the best I can, and hopefully that will be enough for now.
For now, I’ve decided to stay and make as much as I can while aggressively searching for other prospects. I feel trapped at work, which I already did feel, but now it’s more like I’ve given in to the will of an indifferent entity because I need them to survive.
This experience has prepared me for something worse that may happen down the line, especially in circumstances that I actually feel invested in and situations I truly care about. A comforting thought, but I am impatient to get to that place in life, where my career is something I know I’m good at and can be challenged much more effectively.
The plan of action now is to continue hunting for a new job – hopefully not a commute from LA to the OC – and count my blessings. We are healthy, we can support ourselves, and are better off than most people. Thank you, universe.
The good part is that I won’t be seeing my bosses anytime soon. They’ve been forbidden from coming into the office during the course of the pandemic.
The irony is overwhelming.