I have noticed a change in myself between now and the last time I sat to write.
The job and apartment hunt continues, but I won’t talk about this purgatory since it has been a way of life for the past two weeks. I have a supplemental job teaching online, but that has yet to begin. Besides, it’s kind of boring to read about, especially after the epic-breakdown post. I don’t think I can match that, and there isn’t much more to say about the difficulties described there.
Last week I took the train to visit some friends in Taitung, a city on the southeast coast of Taiwan. You travel there by train, which costs around $25 USD. How wonderful! Trains and mountains and scenery! Yay!
Unfortunately I ended up missing my train the night we had scheduled it, so I was bumped onto the train that left the following morning. I didn’t have an assigned seat, which didn’t sound so bad. The train left at around 6:38am, so we got to the train super early and I got a good seat. My fantasy train ride had begun! All the scenery and happiness, all the mountains, the fog and the ocean, what a great way to see Taiwan! Yay!
I fell asleep for about an hour, then was awakened by a large tour group of mainland Chinese. A lady kept yelling the same phrase over and over, and everyone else exited the car. Then they turned their attention to me. I finally understood, they had booked the whole car and it was time to find a new seat.
“Ok, no problem,” I said to myself, grabbing my stuff and walking to the other cars.
“Man this train is really full…why are people sitting on the floor? Hmm, people are standing in the little area where the cars connect….sucks…”
Little did I know.
I found a seat, and was there for maybe 15 minutes before I was evicted by the person who owned the matching ticket. I walked through about three or four cars before I realized the train was full. People were standing, squatting, and sitting, and sleeping in positions I didn’t think possible.
Allow me to clarify, this was around 8:30am. The train didn’t arrive until 12:20pm. What was I going to do? Where should I sit for the next four hours? Ohgodohgodohgodohgod.
I ended up squatting behind the last row of seats halfway through a car, sitting on my stuff, reading Lord of the Rings and blasting music to drown out the unpleasant situation. I couldn’t find a seat; I couldn’t stay here for the rest of the ride, or my feet would fall off; whatamisupposedtodowhyiseveryonelookingatme?!?!?! I’ve included a photo for crunchable reference:
At least no one was going to kick me out of this seat! Hah! hah….
Finally after a few stops, the front of the car cleared up and I went and sat on the floor in front of the seats. I was only there for maybe five minutes when a lady came by and told me there were seats available in the car next door. JOY. HAPPY JOY. I got a row to myself, but I couldn’t shake the paranoia that someone was going to come and oust me from my seats, so I was on edge for the rest of the train ride. Note: If you ever want to travel long distance in Taiwan by train, you better make damn well sure your ticket has a seat number on it. Here’s some photos from the ride that compensate for lack of seat:
I arrived in Taitung and had lunch with my lovely hosts, and then passed out for about two hours. Whoops. I probably should have just hit up some caffeine and powered through it, but hey man…when you only sleep like three hours and get yelled at in Chinese for six hours all you want to do is just curl up in bed and pray for the air conditioning not to break. Good times.
The friend who I was staying with woke me up around 4:45pm, to head to the ocean. Now, one of my biggest regrets about this trip (besides not having a seat on the way down) is that I didn’t take pictures of the beach where we went to swim.
The weather was perfect; the water was warm, and there was no one there. Apparently there is a bit of superstition in Taiwanese culture, that ghosts haunt the ocean water, so no one wants to go swimming. We had the beach mostly to ourselves. He gave me some goggles which I didn’t think I wanted, but I’m happy he convinced me to use them. I put them on and was able to see fish swimming about, and then when I resurfaced I could see the mountains at the edge of the coast. Hugged by lazy clouds, they were almost otherworldly. You could smell the water and the trees, and almost feel how cold it was on top of the mountains. At the foot of the mountains, in all its gold and colorful glory, was a temple where smoke was rising from incense and burnt offerings, filling the air with the smell of prayer. Swimming in that water among the fish and rocks with the sight of the mountains was powerful enough to inspire stillness in the water and in my body. The air gently blew and the clouds seemed to be the fastest thing, swirling around the mountains in a romantic embrace. Time stopped for a moment, and with the taste of salt in my mouth all I could think of was how to impossibly immortalize the moment. Even if I had my camera, there was no way it could possible explain, or show you what it felt like to gaze across the cove at the sleeping giants who used clouds for blankets.
My heart breaks sweetly when I think of this place, but my feet wince when they think of how difficult the journey was. This makes so much sense, though.
The trip back was a million times better. I triple-quadruple-million times checked to make sure I had a seat number, and happily no one shouted at me the whole train ride. Yay!
While I was on the train, though, I was thinking to myself about all the things I brought with me from California. I don’t think I brought much, but it’s all so heavy. I have a bag full of clothes and a suitcase of shoes and miscellaneous items (art supplies, electronics, etc.). Suddenly it seemed to simple to send it back home, or simply give it all away, or abandon it. Suddenly my backpack and the small duffel bag I had brought to Taitung seemed like I all I would ever need in this life. It occurred to me to abandon these things, abandon the search for job and apartment, and just keep walking. Just keep finding trains to ride, and destinations to get to.
The thought felt like a limb waking up from sleep, the needles and pins of pain followed by relief that was just as intense. The reality is that I am unable to do this, unable because while amazing, it is not what I set out to do. The journey of a person like this does not enable them to serve others, only themselves. How can I help someone if I have nothing? How can I inspire someone if I don’t have the tools I need? Millie, shut up with this minimalism, and accept the fact that you have to own some items in order to fulfill a mighty purpose. Stop being lazy and carry them around. Perhaps this is a fact I need to accept more than others; that I need things to survive, that I need money to survive, no matter how much I seek to abandon these supposed trivialities. I don’t want to live my life constantly doing what I want if it means I would punish the people who love me.
So here I am, back in Taipei, back on the crusade for work and a place to live. I really hope that I will be writing the next post with a bit more stability, like from my own apartment, drinking tea I bought with the money I made from the job I end up getting. Back to life, back to reality.
HAH, now you have the song stuck in your head!
